Milking the Goatmachine – Goatgrind


A goatfisting barrage of brutality…

Review by Paul Castles

Noise Art Records

Release date: 26 June 2015

Few animals get metal quite like goats. Think about it, there’s the compulsory bushy beard for a start, called, oh yes, a goatee! Then there’s the devils horns protruding purposefully from the head. No wonder so many metal bands are named in their honour, Goatwhore, Goatess and Goatsnake for starters. Not content with that though are the eponymous Milking the Goatmachine whose very purpose is to fall and worship at the cloven hoofed feet of the great goat God with practically every song to come out of their misshapen mouths a tribute to metal’s favourite farmyard animal.

Surely ewe must be familiar with their 2011 epic release Clockwork Udder featuring such warm and woolly favourites as ‘Raise Your Horns’, ‘The Milky Way’ and ‘New Broom Sweeps Clean’. No? Then how about Milking the Goatmachine’s unique take on some of our best loved tunes on their 2012 release Greatest Hits (the subheading of which was Covered in Milk). Among the much loved anthems to ‘get milked’ were Billy Idol’s ‘Rebel Yell, Boney M’s masterpiece ‘Ma Baker’ and ZZ Top’s ‘Gimme all your Lovin’ – Priceless!

Well, the goat guys are back with more goat homage, or should that be fromage? Goatgrind is their fifth studio release and as goatilicious as what’s gone before by the self-proclaimed grindcore goats from the planet GoatEBorg. The Goatfathers of grind emerged in 2008 with brothers Goatfreed and Goatleeb Udder at the head of the herd, so to speak. For some reason I’ve never quite understood why some people have suspected that MTGM are merely pranksters, possibly slightly semi skinned in the intellectual department. Well, I’m not having that!

Milking the Goatmachine are the gold top of grindcore but don’t take my word for it just blast Goatgrind through your speakers and you too will be throwing yourself around the room like billyo. After opening with sufficient savagery to turn your cheddar into halloumi in seconds, title track ‘Goatgrind’ sets the scene for a goatfisting barrage of brutality as summed up by the following number ‘Farmyard of the Mutilated’. By the time we get to the brain slamming ‘Blow your Sneakers’ all bets are off as a guitar meltdown merges together with the rabid blastbeats to form the biggest pile of goat grind this side of Wookey Hole.

Morrissey-devotees will appreciate ‘U.H.T. Milk Is Murder’ with a fist-pumping chorus to match anything thrown down by Jamey Jasta. The guttural bark is as always with MTGM followed by an impenetrable screech that you would need an old fashioned blackboard and a piece of chalk to emulate. Poor Robin Williams will be turning in his grave when they launch viciously into ‘Mrs. Goatfire (Nanny Of The Damned)’ another crushing weapon from the feisty flock while the buzzed guitar that launches ‘Talk to the Hoof’ sounds like someone sawing through a giant oak.

‘Shadows And Crust’ has enough of the latter to make a rice pudding with as the pace is brought down to more of a trot than the standard stampede allowing the creamy essence of the goat to soak into your pores. There’s a great bassline dictating affairs on ‘The Goatastic Four’ while ‘Sound Of Breaking Horns’ includes a cavernous bellow that takes you deeper than the eye can see. Final track is a bombastic cover of Manowar’s raging ‘Wheels of Fire’ by the end of which you can almost smell the flames starting up in the hay shed. Goatgrind is not for everyone of course but if you’re prepared to take the gruff with the smooth then open your big floppy ears to Milking the Goatmachine.

Milking the Goatmachine – Goatgrind20159 out of 10

Track listing:

  1. Goatgrind
  2. Farm Of The Mutilated
  3. Blow Your Sneakers
  4. Fear The Goathammer
  5. #Idiot
  6. H.T. Milk Is Murder
  7. Goatfire (Nanny Of The Damned)
  8. Talk To The Hoof
  9. No More Space In Herd
  10. Shadows And Crust
  11. The Goatastic Four
  12. Burn Your Shed
  13. Sound Of Breaking Horns
  14. Wolf Expander
  15. Wheels Of Fire (Manowar Cover)